Welcome, Tourists!

By Dick Falkenbury

We should institutionalize this. Give people a test, a hard one.

"What does 'Jesus Christ made Seattle under protest' mean?"

"When was the city founded?"

"How tall is the Space Needle, and how much does it cost to get to the top?"

The test would be real hard. If you pass it, you are an official "Know-it-all." You would wear a badge saying so. Any tourist could ask you for help. You can take off the badge whenever you tire of the game. So who would be stupid enough to take this test and wear a badge that would enable tourists to badger you? Well, anyone who wanted to keep their jobs, for starters. Hotels could have a policy that all their employees have to pass the test or else. Give Grayline bus drivers a $100 bonus for passing the test. Reward waitpersons with better shifts. The industry could make it work if they set their minds to it.

And how about hiring a bunch of kids at the beginning of summer to write on sidewalk corners the directions to nearby destinations--maybe even in different languages--in chalk. When you get to the corner of Fifth and Pike, the chalk writing would instruct you that Nordstrom is one block east and that the Pike Place Market is five blocks west and the Monorail is above you to the north a hundred feet. Have fun with this and it would be a welcome addition to the city. I know that the rain would wipe out the writing--it's a job that would last the whole summer.

Think you're a Know-it-all? Ready to be certified by the Nabob of Necessary Knowledge? Send your answers to falkenbury@aol.com.

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