Seattle Press on Line - Yard Sale Sociology

Yard Sale Sociology

By Michelle Troutman

Aug 15, 2002 -- Every spring, yard sales crop up like crocuses. As predictable as Reader's Digest condensed books at yard sales are the types of people who frequent them seeking bargains on someone else's junk.

Early birds. Two types of early birds flock to yard sales. Both resist "no early birds" warnings.

The first kind are antiques dealers hoping you'll sell them valuable items for a few dollars. They often arrive while you heave boxes full of housewares onto the lawn.

"Hi, I've come to help you set things up. Do you have anything old? How about photographs?" asks the person cheerfully, thin from the rounds of previous sales and as energetic as a rat on caffeine. What they're really saying is: Do you have any anything I can buy for $2 and later resell for $200?

The other early birds are eager buyers--they whip their cash out of their pockets so fast your waiting fingers shiver. They arrive at least an hour before you finish setting up. The more people there, the more will gather. It's just not cool to be alone at a yard sale. They also like to negotiate. A typical example: A voice calls from among the throng. "Will you take a dollar for this roll of shag carpet?" You think, "Someone will actually pay me money for that thing?"

Curb creepers. These people don't want to walk from their cars to your tables to examine your wares, they would rather strain their eyes from a distance. You notice cars stop for a few seconds, then speed off, possibly because the day-glo bell-bottoms staring at the drivers from the front table gave them headaches. Their rejection is the yard sale equivalent of a scathing review. In effect, they claim your items aren't worth walking 10 feet to see. Still, they made you believe they might set foot on your lawn. They must be sadistic, delighting in tormenting hapless yard sale holders everywhere, saying to themselves as they laugh evilly, "Ha! Fooled that person into thinking I would go to their yard sale!"

The Lookers. In the afternoon, yard sale traffic can slow down. Those who visit mainly ogle your objects and leave. You recognize the eyes of weary yard sale veterans, glazed from seeing too many Thighmasters and piles of disco-era polyester. You imagine people buying things, but it's only your imagination. Perhaps they spent their money at earlier sales. You consider quitting, but why stop when that pope-on-a-rope might sell?

The Lingerers. They inspect everything at least twice to make sure they have seen it all. Sherlock Holmes wasn't this thorough. While they look through the leftovers, you try to ignore the stifled laughter and the gagging.

The Promisers. These people come when you would love to sell something no sane person wants to buy, like that old musty fake leather suitcase stuck in the attic so long it's as wrinkly as a sun-dried tomato. You think, "Wow, I might actually sell this piece of junk." The person says he or she will return for it later, and you promise to hold it for him or her. They never return, leaving you to curse your fate. As a reminder of the failed sale, the pain hits you when you lug it indoors.

By the sale's end, the remaining items seem 20 pounds heavier. You sweat. And sigh. And collapse on the lawn, writhing in agony after you carry three small boxes of books and a table lamp. At this point you would rather have your teeth pulled out by a lawn tractor.

It's just yard sale karma; cleaning up is the price of our consumption. We spend years buying things then profit from sales to strangers, only to later repay the privilege through the torture of hauling the stuff back inside.

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kingsley	Sep 20, 2002	uzo
sri


Ernie Werbel	Jul 21, 2003	Livingston NJ	STudent
Your article is interesting, but I dont think it's all doom and gloom. I am going to have my first yard sale this SUnday. I think it'll be fun. I can sell all my junk and make some spare change in the process. ANything I dont sell I can just take to the curb and throw out. I've gone through everything!